My feet are up, my dishes are washed, and my glass is full….. and none of that will last long at all. Because tomorrow is another day in paradise and I have to be the perfect spectacle every parenting book, mommy blog, or housewife tells me I have to be. If they had any idea how much wine I drank on a daily basis they would orchestrate an intervention. And yes, I was that mommy to be that drank a glass of wine every night.

Being a good mom, especially with the lifestyle and career I chose, is not easy; no one said it would be but I had no idea. For starters I work strange and irregular hours and I’m always “on.” There’s never a dull moment in my line of work so when I get home all I really want to do is zone out and be antisocial. But reality kicks in immediately and that can never ever, ever, happen. For some odd reason however, drinking wine puts me in an internal state of happiness and zen, all while everyone else can enjoy my company (weird right?). All of a sudden playing monster trucks just became fun and folding laundry was so ecstatic I don’t remember it… until I find my panties in my son’s dresser the next morning and have a flashback.

Truth is, parenting is very difficult for everyone, not just me. But nothing worth working for is worth it, so they say. And people are going to judge you no matter what, so don’t take your job as a parent too seriously. Just enjoy it and everything will pan out, promise. And yes, part of enjoying parenting is not remembering all of it, I promise that too. That sounds absolutely horrible but this isn’t a parenting book, mommy blog, or housewife talking here – you know who this is.

There’s a time and a place to have a glass of wine, or two, or three, and here are just a few examples:

  • You’ve slaved over dinner for an hour and your child says, “I don’t like tomatoes.” Forget everything else on the plate that you love kid, I wasn’t thinking about you at all when I made this meal.
  • You find your kids underwear hidden under his bed with skid marks. They’ve most likely been there for days judging by how crusty they are.
  • When they ask you to check their butt after pooping and there’s poop up their back and in their fingernails. WTF.
  • When they sneeze on you… while chewing their food.
  • All your kid wants to do is walk around the neighborhood and find Pokemon, for hours and hours. And when you finally get home he wants to talk to you about them for another hour.
  • When you catch them lying or stealing for the first time and you feel defeated as a parent.
  • When they outsmart you and call you out on your own flaws.
  • When they slap your butt and say “I love your butt, it’s so jiggly!”

I clearly have a boy, so if you’re reading this and going, “I haven’t experienced any of this!” you’re not lucky, you just have a girl. I’m actually interested in hearing what parents with girls go through because I clearly have no clue.

Here’s a list of just a few things I do better as a mom when I’m drinking wine:

  • Bedtime stories are pretty much like watching a live production with full on characters, different voices, and facial expressions.
  • Packing lunch, because I pack all the good munchies that I’m currently snacking on.
  • Playing tag – he wins every time because I can’t possibly run around in circles with a glass of wine in my hand.
  • Playing monster trucks and race cars – the sound effects are out of this world.
  • Singing and rapping; lots of that.

…. and the list goes on.

Because of my love for wine, I obviously drink A LOT of it. And if you’re not careful, it will cost you a fortune. There should never be a time when you can’t buy wine because you can’t afford it – because quite frankly, that’s probably when you need it the most. You see, it’s all about budgeting so that you have plenty of stock. I personally love Trader Joe’s Charles Shaw wine. They have Cab, Merlot, Pinot Grigio, Zinfandel, and they’re all only $3 a bottle. YEAH I KNOW RIGHT?! And they’re delicious! So if you’re like me and you drink a bottle a night, it’s less than $100 month. Charles Shaw is great for parties because it’s a recognized brand name yet it’s so inexpensive. There’s a lot of other brands I enjoy, like Woodridge, Barefoot, and my personal favorite, Kim Crawford. You don’t have to spend a ton to get a good bottle of wine and you don’t have to go to a winery either. And that’s not to say I haven’t sipped on a $200 glass of wine and completely enjoyed myself, but after 2-3 glasses it all tastes the same anyways. Besides, with my luck, my son would knock over my glass onto the carpet and there goes $200 plus my carpet.

Moral of the story is, have a glass of wine without hesitance, regret or shame. Us parents are all in this together and we should support one another in our healthy habits. And yes, anything that makes you that happy is healthy for you; I approve that message. Cheers!